Today I started to realise something. I always see myself more as a guy's girl, if you know what I mean. If I have to choose between going on a mountainbike trip or to a make-up workshop, I don't need a minute to make up my mind, because I'm totally going for the mountainbike trip (which btw I did last summer with my parents and my brother and altho it was a hell, I hope to go do it again next summer to see if I improved! I'm working out for a reason!). And that's totally me. I'm so much more interested in guy's stuff than the typical girls stuff.
For example, I know pretty much about cars since I got my license and totalled my first car, I work out quiet a lot, I know more about a computer than my brother and parents together (okay, my dad doesn't even know how to save a file that's attached to an e-mail... but that doesn't count), I'm really good with Photoshop (which totally isn't a girlsthing) and all that kind of stuff.
And if you look at what I like to do best, being a sportsphotographer, you know that that isn't quiet a girlsjob. I think that atleast 75 till 90 procent of all sportsphotographers are male and the girls that are in it, aren't the typical girls either.
Not that I'm saying now that I'm a boy into a girls body, because I'm definally not! I'm totally into guys (let's make that sure!) and I don't ever feel like I should be a guy.
And that's actually the weirdest thing. For my new job I have to look nice. Just a bit dressed up and just with a bit more attention to my looks, because I'm working on an office and I am representing the company. Most officepeople are dressed up nicely, most guys at my new work also wear a suit, so that marks it a bit.
So when I'm kinda dressed up in a short skirt or a nice pants and a cute top with my new boots with heels that are tick-tacking on the hard floor at the office, I totally feel female! More than I ever do and it's so nice to feel like that sometimes! I've never really cared about how I look, but looking and feeling so much woman sometimes feels really nice and give you that little bit more conficence that makes you smile to people and say hi instead of looking down to the ground.
And I think that totally represents me, the girl that really is Mariska. When I'm photographing I wear sneakers and jeans that are all muddy and I feel good and then a day later I'm all sweaty and dusty from horseriding and the next day I'm all dressed up as a responsible businessgirl that makes a lot of money. And that's who I am.
I'm a boy's kind of girl who still likes to dress up and being all girly from time to time. It doesn't sound regular, but for me it totally makes sense and I wish that in the past people would have seen that!
I've been told many times that I should pay more attention to my looks, but I didn't like who I say in the mirror and I'm really glad that that has changed. It feels like I'm starting to find the right mix between the ways that I like to be. I can't be girly all the time, but sometimes it makes me down when I'm wearing old hoodies all week long. And I hope with all my heart that when I meet a guy who likes me, he likes both sides and doesn't mind that I know as much about cars and computers as make-up and books.