Maybe I'm just a girl...

Sometimes I'm just sick of everything... Life... my family... myself... I just can't see anything positive and I don't know how to stop it!

My best friend wrote on her LJ today that people like to do things on the last moment that's possible and I have to be honest and say that I'm the same way. If something can be done tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow and not today. For my business I got better in that, since I'm using a daily planner to see what I need to do today or tomorrow or this week. That way I'm actually making myself doing it! But on the other hand there are some points that are on my planner for weeks now, but that I just don't do! For some reason I can always find a reason not to do it today and that really sucks!
And today I went to the photographer that I had my internship with 2 years ago and that I'm still meeting many times, because he prints stuff for me and also gives me his lamps or camera when I need it! He really wants to help me, and I know that, but sometimes I hate it when he asks how my sportsphotography is going. I know it's going badly! I haven't been to a sportsevent in 2 months, and the last one gave me exactly 2 orders! With 3 photos per order... Not what you call big business! Now the thing that really sucks is that it's getting winter, so all the major sportsevents are inside. And since my camera is more than 3 years old now, it can't really make any great pics inside, so that leaves me with no choice than to buy a new camera. I do want to do that, but my account told me not too, not until January, because that way he can get more profit out of it! Which is good, but now I'm still stuck with my old camera that doesn't make any pics that I like lately! They aren't even sharp anymore!
So instead of going out there and show myself on sportsevents and shoot around, I'm at home and searching for ways to get more orders and just feeling bad because my company isn't rolling like I want to and finding other things more important than my company, like Facebook and here.
It shouldn't be that way, I should be totally excited because I'm finally doing what I want to. But that's the weird thing, the only thing I am is tired all the time and having headaches and feeling so bad that nothing comes out of my hands.
I also used to be full of ideas. I always had an other idea in my mind that I wanted to work out... Lately, I have none. I need to design something, so I open a new photoshop document and than it's blank... nothing in my mind... nothing that comes out of my hands. I so hate how I feel like that, but I can't find a way to make it go away! To make me feel really good and creative and full of energy! Yeah, I feel better about myself lately! When I look into the mirror I don't hate the picture that I see, I just hate the way I feel so many times!

And my family doesn't even see that I feel that way, they don't see that I'm struggling, and when I wanna talk about it, they talk about the most recent thing, that's just going bad that day, while it's not like that! It's everything, but they don't wanna listen and their tv is more important to them!

I just sometimes wish that someone could just take this aweful feeling away, but they can't! Not even my psychologist can! He doesn't even know how to help me!

And the moment that I think everything is going good and everything is finding it's place, it just changes again! Okay, I found a great new friend that I really don't wanna loose and that I'm seeing more than I ever had with my past 'friends', but like today, I was really looking forward to start my new job! I was totally excited and nervous sitting behind my laptop in my new short skirt and than I got the call that not everything was arranged yet and that I couldn't start today!

Sometimes I just don't get that when I'm excited about something or really looking forward to it or just feeling so good about it, it just doesn't happen the way it was supposed to! I guess that's the story of my year this year. All the things that I've been through this year haven't gone the way I wanted it... my internship, the guy that I went on a date with, I even had troubles with my graduation since I was still recovering from my surgery. Well, 2010 is on it's way, hopefully that year will be better!!!

And to my best friend: You don't deserve a friend as me, you are way too good and sweet for me!

The one song I'm never getting tired of hearing is Teardrops on my Guitar by Taylor Swift.

I've heard the song for the first time about 4 years ago. I saw it on Youtube because Tyler Hilton is in the musicvideo and some girl posted it on a One Tree Hill Forum!
The first time I heard it I almost cried... It was the first time that I heard a song that described exactly what I feel most of the time! How I really like this guy, while he can't stop talking about someone else!
And it all these years I still haven't found a song that's about that same thing, except for You Belong with me, also by Taylor Swift.

And still... each time that I heard it on the cd in my car (which has more than 100 songs on it, so it doesn't happen that often) I sing along from beginning to end! It's also one of the only songs that I can sing without hearing the music, just because I've heard it so many times!
And the musicvideo.. Well, that's still one of my favorites too! I love Taylor in that Video and it's so familiar!

All songs by Taylor Swift are about the world that I live in, that's why she is my #1 favorite singer and I'm a really big fan of hers! I can't wait till she comes to the Netherlands, so I can finally hear her live!

Some days seem like atleast 2 days in one! Today was an other day like that!
It started with this morning, when I had the biggest problems with getting up!

Than I had to go to the presser to handle in my stuff for my first trading cards book! That was kinda exciting! I will be holding it in 2 weeks! Totally and only MY WORK!! Kinda proud on that!

Than my mom and I went shopping for new stuff for my new job!
Yeah, I got a new job, I'm my mom's co-worker now! I will be working for severally hours a week on the costumer service from the Jumbo (one of the biggest supermarkets in this country).
Now, for those of you who have read my previous posts, you know how much I hate shopping! I never can find something I like! Today I went with the same feeling!
But we went to an other place as usually, so we passed a shop where I've never found anything I like, and my mom was like "This one is bigger than the one in the other city, wanna see what they've got?" So I agreed and we got in the store!
Around an hour later we left there with 5 new tops and 2 short skirts for me! Let me tell you that I'm totally a jeans girl and that I rarely wear skirts, let alone short skirts!
But these skirts actually looked good on me! I can't believe it, but it was really awesome! I felt so good in them!
And than we went to a shoe shop and a miracle happened, I found a pair I liked and they fit! A few years ago I fit like 50 pairs if not more and I couldn't find anyone that I liked and that fit, and now right away!
So I have a total new outfit and I actually look good in it! Great way to make you feel better about yourself!

Than I went to work out and after my shower I went to work on some stuff for my own company! I've done so much today, that I'm really tired now!

Also an other weird thing is how I recently made 2 friends! It's great and we have a lot of fun, but this weekend they both got relationship problems.
And the weirdest thing is that they are coming to me for help and advise... While I've never been in a relationship! I don't understand why they even listen to me!
But it's great to have friends around and just have fun and talk a lot with the people around me!

Today was a good day!

Talk to you soon!

xoxo

Hey!!

Wow, it really has been a long time since my last update! And so much has changed by now!

First of all I graduated for my Photography school!! I was so glad when I passed!!! My exams weren't the best I've ever made, so a part of me was afraid that I didn't made it! But I got for one part of my exam 100%!!! Didn't expect that!
3 days after I got my diploma, I started my own photography company! It's so excited and I really love to work for it, altho I don't make that much yet! But it's getting better and I have a new parttime job to go with it now, so I'm busy and I love it! You can find all of my work on my website: www.11afotografie.nl

So that's basicly what my life looks like lately! I work hard for my company, was looking for a job, but found one now and I've been hanging out with my friends! Which I made some lately! It's really nice for once to hang out at someone's house the whole sundaymidday and just to talk! I really missed that in the past and now I finally have it!

I'll update soon again!

xoxo

Hey Everyone!!

I'm back again!
Sorry for the lack of updates, but it has been a busy schoolyear for me.
A lot happened and is changed, so from now on, I'm trying to tell you what's going on every week. So every sunday I probably have a new blog up!

Enjoy the one of this week!
It's pretty long, because I have a lot of catching up to do!

( Wanna catch up with me again? )

Love,
Anna

Hello everyone!!

Wow, it's been a long time since I've done this, but I have some news again.

Okay, my internship has turned around and it's the biggest reason why I haven't been here for such a long time.
I found an other internship but we weren't sure that I could make enough hours, so I took an other internship for a few days a week with it too. Now I'm making about 45 hours a week, while I only have to make 40 hours a week. So that's hard. And on Saturdays I still have my job, so I'm working around 50 till 60 hours a week.
But lucky for me, school starts again next week!!! Can't wait to get back!

But I've changed a lot lately. I've became much stronger and that's really good. I'm glad how things turned out lately and although I've worked hard, it was worth it.

And the best thing?? One Tree Hill is back again!
After more than 6 or 7 months waiting, One Tree Hill has finally started season 5! And it's so great!!
Last week the first 2 episodes has been released and the 3rd episode will be released tonight in America!
It's so great! I've missed it so much, but they came back better than ever! Season 4 was great, but season 5 seems to become bettter!!
I just hope OTH doesn't get affected by the writers strikes in America!

Okay, let's see, that's it for now. I haven't had much time to make fanart lately, so I don't have anything to show you.

Talk to you next time!! I hope it's soon again!!

Love!!
Anna

Hey!!

Wow, today has been a great day!!
First of all, one of my best friend has come back!!
I haven't talked to her in 5 months and I really missed her.
And now she's suddenly back and I'm really happy with it!!

With horseriding it went good too!!

And even shopping went great!!
I found clothes that I like for my parents party and new shoes!!
The very first shoes that I tried on were good.
That never happened to me!!

So I'm really happy today!!

I hope you are all great too!!

Love,
Anna

Hey.

Today I had a competition at my club.
I ride horse and we had a competition between all members of the club.
It was really nice, I made pictures this morning and this midday I had to ride myself.

My father and I both ride on the same horse and for me it's a real competition to see who's best when we ride against each other.
He rides about 20 more years than me already, so it's hard to compete, but it's fun to try.
Today I thought I didn't ride that good, but it seemed that I was wrong.
I became 4th, my father 3rd. That was nice, but I still think it's ashame that I lost with 1 point from him, when I know that I could have done better.
But that's just how it is. I still think it's great that I lost from him by only one point.
And from now one I will be ride with him all time, so I can't wait to beat him for real new time!!

Okay, talk to you later!! I'm going to work on my pictures now.
Bye!!
Anna

Hey!!

Finally saturday, after a long and really stressfull week.

Still no news about my internship, but I keep faith that I will find something this week!!

I haven't come much furter with my moodtheme yet, because I have been really busy with working the last few days.
I'm really tired, but I think I can work on it tonight!!

Last night it was my fathers birthdayparty, so I couldn't go to bed early, but it was early this morning. I had to work all day, so now I'm finally enjoying a whole empty house and my music.

I think that's it for now, although last week I had some though times, I think I will handle it all.
"Nobody ever said that life was easy."

Talk to you later!!

Love,
Anna

Hey Everyone.

The party that I went to wasn't that great, but I made a bunch of pictures and at the moment I'm correcting them, so I hope the people I made them for like them!!

Today I went shopping with my mom.
( Click here if you wanna know how that went )

Anyway, enough complaining. I'm going back to my photos.

Bye!!

Hey Everyone.

Saturday night again. 
Well, I had a though week last week. I have had some big problems with my internship, but hopefully they will be solved by next week. 

Anyway, I haven't made any fanart last week. I'm working on making a moodtheme for here and since there are 132 moods, I had a lot of icons to make.
So I hope them will be done by next week.

Tonight I went to the movie Hairspray with my brother. It was really funny and I'm glad I went. 
Tomorrow I'm going to make a photoshoot of my parents and after it I have to make photo's at a party. A party that I didn't wanna go to in the first place, but it get paid so I will do it. And it could be fun. We will see.

Well, that's it again! 
I am going to work on my moodtheme now.

Talk to you later!! 

Love,
Anna

Hello everyone.

It's saturday night again (at least for me, 6.30 pm here (GTM+1)), so I have time to update everything again.
Let's see, last weekend was great, had an amazing great party from one of my colleagues and we had so much fun. 
Tonight, I'm going to take it slow, work was really busy today so I'm really tired.

Something else going on in my life?? 
Not really. Yeah, I have problems with my internship, but they are to boring and to difficult to discuss here, so I won't. I don't want everyone to fall asleep here!! haha 

BTW, I PASSED my drivingexam!! For the very first time!! And it's so great!! 
I even have my own car already!! It's a red Peogeot 106!! And I love it!! It's so great to have such freedom!!

So now I'm just playing a lot with Photoshop and hopefully I will become better in it.
I did make some fan art this week, so I will show you!! 
All of them are from me all time favorite show: ONE TREE HILL!!




Just leave a message, or become my friend!! 

Talk to you later!! 

Love,
Anna

Hey.

How are you??
I'm Anna, I'm 18 years old and I'm from the Netherlands.
I study photography and I love to make layouts and fanart in Photoshop.
You can find all of my fanart on my imageshack account:
http://profile.imageshack.us/user/an_aatje

Okay, what else can I tell about me.
I love One Tree Hill, I'm a really big fan and I also have my own fanforum:
http://othsisters.proboards91.com 
I am admin on it with my friend Megan. 

Besides that my life isn't so interesting. 
I ride horses. I also have my own horse, named Camelot.
Tomorrow I have a competition, I hope it will go good.

Oh, and I have my drivingexam the day after tomorrow. 
It will be my first time and although I have had many lessons, I really hope that I pass it the first time.

That's it for now. 
Leave a message.

I will tell you an other time how the competition and my drivingexam went.

Love,
Anna